Waiting

 As I write this, it is Holy Saturday, the Easter Vigil.  I wonder, what must Jesus’ disciples have been feeling after he died?  Not just the Twelve, all his followers: the women (who funded his movement), the Pharisees like Nicademas and Joseph of Arimathea, and Lazarus and Bartimeus and Zaccheus and the others he healed and raised and forgave.  Acts 1 says there were 120 disciples in the Upper Room (where they ate the Last Supper) just before Pentecost.  How many were there the day before he rose?  Many of the twelve were, but not all.  I suspect that it was not just “Doubting Thomas” who was absent on Easter Sunday.  Matthew has details in his Gospel that the others miss, implying he was not in that Upper Room, but out in the city.  Likely, Mary Magdalene and the others who were at the Cross and would go to his grave Easter morning were there in between, maybe many of the others too. 

It has always been easy for me to overlook this in-between time because I know the ending.  But all they knew was that Jesus was dead.  Peter, in particular, must have been devastated, having been the leader of the Twelve and the most insistent to Jesus that he would never desert him.  But they must have been reluctant to abandon all hope as they were still there on Easter.  

The Gospels show that Peter and the others did not know who Jesus was, probably until Pentecost. Oh, they knew they had found the Messiah.  They just didn’t know what that meant.  Before going to raise Lazarus, they ask if it is wise to go to Jerusalem when the priests were just trying to kill Jesus.  Thomas says something so brave and misguided: “Let us go, so that we may die with him.”  At the Last Supper, they were arguing which of them would sit at Jesus’ left and right.  I suspect that Peter was probably secretly thrilled when Judas betrayed Jesus, thinking, “Now, at last, the fight comes!  I am ready to die with you, my Lord!”  And he picked up his sword (a long dagger, in the Greek) and cut off poor Malchus’ ear.  It is only Peter who is mentioned committing violence, but I suspect the others were ready to follow, even if they only had two daggers for the twelve of them (Luke 22:38).

However, Jesus stopped Peter in his tracks.  “Peter, put up your sword.”  I am not here for this. Did you not hear what I said at Supper?  “A new commandment I give to you: that you love one another—just as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples—if you have love for one another (John 13:34-35).”  No, Peter was not listening.  His bewilderment was just beginning.  He followed the mob and snuck into the High Priest’s courtyard to hear what would happen.  And there, Jesus’ terrible prophecy about him came true.  Three times denied.  When the cock crowed the second time, Jesus looked intently at him and Peter broke down, realizing what he had done (Luke 23:61).  Peter and the others imagined themselves fighting and defeating the Romans and sitting at King Jesus’ side, or at worst, dying in the attempt, glorious and heroic.  But surrendering without a fight and nailed to a cross like common criminals?  Surely the Messiah was meant for a different fate!

Just before his ascension, they asked yet again if Jesus would finally establish his kingdom.  That is, will you now lead a revolution and destroy the Romans?  No, Peter.  That is not why I came.  You really do not know me yet.  It was only after receiving the Holy Spirit at Pentecost that Peter gives his first sermon.  And he nails it.  (No pun intended.)

But that time in between, did they know He would rise?  With Him dead, it had to dawn on them that they did not know who or what the Messiah was.  That realization must have been devastating.  Was there any hope at all?  Lazarus was there, a living reminder of the hope we all have.  Did they remember Jesus’ promise?  The darkness that Saturday, not knowing if the new day would ever dawn, must have felt like an eternity.  When you know how long the trial will last, when you know the reason why, you can endure most anything.  But there is a Peace that is even better than understanding these things, a Peace that comes only from trusting in Him.  His Kingdom come, His Will be done.  

So I ask myself, do I know Jesus?  Do I truly understand why He came?  What He did on that Cross, why He did it, and what it means?  Do I trust in Him, in His Plan for my life?  Be perfect as our Heavenly Father is perfect, He commanded in the Sermon on the Mount.  Be merciful, as our Heavenly Father is merciful, He commanded in the Sermon on the Plains.  Love one another as I have loved you, He commanded at the Last Supper.  

Today Jesus’ kingdom is one of paradox: it is and is yet to come at the same time.  We are waiting too, in between, like Peter, Lazarus and Mary were.  Jesus promised he would come again, and that when He returns, He will come and establish his Kingdom.  In a few years, we will be exactly 2000 years to the day since he was crucified, died and rose, but for God “a day is like a thousand years”.  Are you hoping for His return?  Or, like Peter and Thomas and the rest, do you not quite believe it is possible?  How long will the wait be?  The dawn is coming, but it is darkest just before the dawn.